knowing and realizing with some experience

to know that you really do not own it is to really do your best expecting the most out of it and really flunked it. at that moment you know what is really going on, not as expected and not as good as what you think.

before that, it is just you comforting yourself about the situation and making yourself feel good which is not the case. go talk to people and say it out. ask. seek help which is always hard.

maybe when life is easier i will try to sleep early and wake up early. and talking could sometimes hard when it is spontaneous especially long questions. got to pull out long sentences while thinking it.